And That Was That
by someonestolemyshoes49
Summary: Set after 4x05, 'The Killer'. It's all a little too much for Elena. Give it a shot, let me know what you thought!


**A/N: Hey all! Alright-y, I'm so sorry about this fic. I really am. It's a little...depressing, shall we say? It's set after the newest episode, but a lot, and I mean a lot, of this one is completely unrelated and my own. **

**I hope you enjoy it, even if it is miserable. I never, ever want to see this happen in the show. Ever. But that's the point in fanfiction, isn't it? **

**This was going to be part of the story arc in the Closer collection, but the ending screamed at me to be done this way, and, well...it would put an end to the arc. So, it's here, enjoy it, please! I love you all. **

**Also, sorry about the made-up character. I just needed an excuse for the...well, the entire plot really. You'll see why when you read it. **

**Disclaimer; I own noooothing you recognise. **

**Apologies for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes. It's late, I'm tired. **

From a very young age Elena Gilbert had had a confidant. It was a ritual she'd begun at Christmas, when her mother and father asked her to write her Christmas list. It was tradition to write her letter to Santa and burn it on the fire on the very first day of December, and it would travel on the wind all the way to the North Pole where Santa would collect all the pieces together and gather her presents in time for Christmas.

One year, she asked her mother, '_how does the letter know where to go?' _and her mother replied '_it just does, dear. Letters are clever like that. They find their own way to where they need to go.' _So she'd asked, '_do I have to put an address on my letter, mama? If they can find their own way?' _and her mother thought it over, and said '_No, I guess not.'_

And that was that.

And then, the year after, something terrible happened.

Her best friend left. Connie, her name was. The house was left in ashes, and Connie and her parents all left on the wind in the night. Just like the letters. And Elena came into the kitchen and asked her mother, with teary eyes and a watery smile, _'If Connie went away on the wind, can I still write to her?' _And her mother cried again.

After a moment, her mother replied, with an equally watery smile, _'Of course you can, sweetheart. But you know, how Santa can't write back?' _Elena nodded, _'Well, Connie can't write back either.' _And when Elena asked why, her mother said, _'Because that's how letters work.' _

And that was that.

So, when Christmas rolled around that year, Elena wrote two letters. One went to Santa, with a bike and a Barbie doll and a picture of the exact pony she wanted, and a very polite thank you note, because her mother always told her to say her 'please's and 'thank you's. And the other went to Connie. It read;

_Dear Connie, _

_I can't believe you're not here for Christmas this year. I've asked for loads of nice things. I asked for that Barbie you showed me, because I was always real jealous of it. And I asked for a pony again. I know I probably won't get one, Santa always has no ponies at Christmas. I guess too many people ask for them. _

_We miss you at school. Nuthin' much has happened. I get to play Mary this year! That makes me a bit sad though because Mary was your part. Always. Did I say that I missed you already? _

_I can't talk much now, it's getting late and I gotta send my letters now. _

_Don't worry about not replying, I know you can't. _

_B'bye! _

_From, _

_Elena. _

She burned them both on the flame and watched the blackened papers flit up the chimney with a small smile on her face. Connie would like that letter.

And every year on December 1st, Elena sent her letters. When she turned eight, she found out Santa wasn't real, but she still wrote to him. Because it was tradition. And she wanted to believe that someone still read her letter. Because she didn't want to stop believing that Connie got her letters either.

Then, when she turned ten, the family cat died. Old age, her father said. And she asked him _'Where to things go when they die, daddy?' _and he replied, _'To heaven.' _Elena asked him if she could write to people in heaven. Her father made no reply.

And that was that.

She didn't write anymore letters to Connie, not for a long time. Not until her parents died.

She wrote a very long letter then, and it was untidy and tear stained and the paper was crumpled. But that didn't matter. Because she was going to burn it, and it would fly away on the wind and nobody would ever get to see it. She knew now that Connie didn't get to read her letters, but she kept the addressee the same. Because it was her own little tradition. That letter held everything she was thinking, every hope, every fear, every tear she'd ever shed and the reasons behind it. It was angry and sad and heart-felt and heart-breaking all in one four-page package. That was the last time she wrote to Connie.

And here she is now, hand poised over a sheet of pristine lined paper, pen clutched between her fingers. She takes a few deep breaths before steadying herself and composing her letter.

_Dear Connie, _

_I'm sorry it's been so long, but I have something I need to get off my chest, and I don't know who to talk to. _

_See, the thing is...I'm in trouble. _

_I know I've said that before but this time is different. Because this time, there's nobody here to help me. _

_I have a friend. His name is Damon, and he's...he's hard to describe. He's my best friend and my worst enemy in one go, I can't really explain it. He's my boyfriends big brother. Yes, I have a boyfriend. Kind of. Things are...rocky. _

_Damon and I have...fallen out. In that, he's upset with me and I don't know how to fix it. I'm no good at this. I've never had to go crawling back to anybody before, they always come to me. Writing that down, I realise how bigheaded it seems. _

_He means so much to me. I've never said that out loud before, and I don't think I'm really ready to say it now. I don't know when I'll be ready. If I'll be ready. Maybe that's the problem, maybe he needs to hear me say it? If I could just tell him, just say..._

_It's just a few words, right? Then why is it so hard? _

_He's my best friend. I don't really know when that happened, but there it is. I don't know what I'd do without him. I mean...I love Caroline, and I love Bonnie, and I loved you, but Damon? He's always there. He's always just a phone call away, and I know that when I need him he'll come running. I've never had anybody who'd do that for me. _

_He makes me feel __alive__, which is more important than ever right now. I'll tell you why, some day. You wouldn't believe me anyway. He's fun, and he challenges me, which, up until now, was a good thing. Now he's given me a challenge and I don't like it at all. He wants me to come back to him. I don't even know what that means! _

_I wish you could write back and tell me what to do. _

_On another note, I've had a terrible day. I couldn't even begin to explain how bad it's been. But now I feel...weird. Again, it's hard to explain. I guess I need to talk to somebody else about this, somebody who can give me answers. _

_I'm sorry I'm bothering you with this. It's not your problem, you don't have to deal with any of it. _

_I've been writing it in my diary, too. Today was the first day I wrote anything in there in a very long time. I'm...I'm giving up hope. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it is what it is. I think I might really be done. _

_Stefan (boyfriend) and Damon are trying to help me, they really are. But with Damon mad at me and Stefan...being Stefan, I don't think anything they do will be enough. Especially after today. _

_I'm gonna go. Maybe I'll see you soon, who knows. _

_Love you and miss you, always. _

_Elena. _

And she takes the letter downstairs, creeping down the hall on shaky legs and stopping in the sitting room, crouching down in front of the roaring fire. The flames make her flinch, now. Another perk of her transition. She holds the paper over the flames and watches it's ashes drift up the chimney and into the night, sighing.

In her room, she writes another letter. Two in one night. It's like Christmas time all over again.

This one is to Jeremy. And Stefan. And Damon. And Caroline, and Bonnie, and Matt and even April gets a say.

This one is a goodbye.

She leaves it on the counter downstairs, along with her daylight ring and her diary.

The night is cool and refreshing, and the darkness offers her more comfort than the light. She makes the hike up to the Falls in good time. It's still dark, but dusk is coming. She sits down to watch the sunrise, and as the first rays peak through the cloud cover, her skin begins to tingle and burn. And for the first time in what feels like a long time, she smiles.

And that was that.

**A/N: I'm sorry! I know it's sad, but this is one of those things I don't want to ever see happen in the show. No matter how much Elena depresses me sometimes. It was just one of those idea's that wouldn't leave me alone! Please guys, tell me what you think! **

**Thanks, **

**Someone x **


End file.
